Do you enjoy growing a garden? If not, do you enjoy seeing beauty in nature or a carefully cultivated garden?
If I’m honest, I do not enjoy gardening. I have allergies, and I almost always have to stop early due to some kind of allergic reaction.
But I have one tree that I take great pride in, which I planted in my yard. We found a sapling growing where it didn’t belong and decided to strategically plant it. Now, it’s become a strong tree, able to withstand severe Kansas winds. Soon, it will provide significant shade for decades to come.
When it comes to replacing toxic thoughts, the process is similar to gardening. It involves not only pulling up the toxic weeds (er, thoughts) but also replacing them with new trees composed of good thoughts.
A friend of mine calls his tree the tree of righteousness. I’m going to suggest that we plant and cultivate a tree of thankfulness in our minds and hearts.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc70
Do you find yourself staring at the success of others and wishing you were more like them? Does it make you jealous or feel like you’re not enough? If you’ve said yes, you’ve experienced the comparison trap.
In this podcast episode, I interview Ian Anderson Gray about his experience with the comparison trap. We discuss things like self-doubt, how we measure ourselves, and the importance of God’s truth.
Ian is the founder of the Confident Live Marketing Academy and is the host of the Confident Live Marketing Podcast. He helps entrepreneurs to level up their impact, authority, and profits by using live video confidently. As well as being a geek, husband, and dad to two kids, Ian is also a professional singer and lives near Manchester in the UK.
Ian was also a guest on episode 45, where we discussed the imposter syndrome, the wicked cousin to the comparison trap. Ian also has a fun giveaway ending on February 4, 2021.
We also explored comparison back on Day 46 of this Gratitude Challenge.
Be sure to listen to the very end for Ian’s fun new jingle for Man in the Pew.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc69
Have you ever been part of a conversation where it’s obvious the other person doesn’t understand your point? Have you ever stopped at that moment to wonder if you’re truly listening to their perspective?
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. ~Stephen R. Covey
The truth is, it’s easier to hear than to speak, but it’s hard to listen with the desire to understand and appreciate.
I think gratitude plays an important role in improving our listening skills. And as a result of becoming better listeners, we will also become more grateful.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc68
Do you ever wake in the middle of the night with a dreadful thought? Does your mind quickly focus on negative issues? Those thoughts become toxic when we feed them too much and they start to consume us.
Recently, I had just finished reading a very emotional piece to my wife. I was in a vulnerable place, and she asked me a simple question driven by a genuine and right desire. My mind received it as criticism that I wasn’t doing enough. I quickly became defensive.
In the past, I might have gone down a path toward a toxic wasteland, but this Gratitude Challenge has taught me a few things that helped me avoid that.
I’m not alone. Sean Grover is a psychotherapist, and he tells about his own experience of recovering from toxic thoughts through the simple power of gratitude journaling. Dr. Caroline Leaf also has a process that helps people identify and replace toxic thoughts.
7 Steps to Replace Toxic Thoughts with Thankfulness
Based on my experience, here are seven steps to replace toxic thoughts with gratitude.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc67
Did you know that 80% of all people break their New Year’s Resolutions by Valentine’s Day? Have you experienced this trap?
Why do you think that is?
Pastor Craig Groeschel thinks it’s because we’re trying too hard. Instead, we need to approach life like an athlete approaches training.
Neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf proves it’s because we’re going about it the wrong way. She believes we can literally perform brain surgery on ourselves (not with knives, but with thoughts).
Were you aware that master performers still hire coaches? You might think that once you reach a certain level of proficiency, you no longer need a coach. After all, you’re already the best.
We explored how that’s true for athletes in our conversation about resiliency, but I was surprised to learn that professional musicians still have coaches. It doesn’t mean the coach is better, but the coach has permission to mettle.
In this article, we’re going to allow Dr. Leaf to be our coach.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc66
Have you made a bold claim or shared an audacious vision? Did you gulp after you said it and realized now you need to make good on your word or feel like a fraud? That’s how my journey toward gratitude started.
On November 13, 2020, I wrote a provocative article about why gratitude matters. I wrote it to prepare myself for Thanksgiving, but I also knew intuitively it was something I needed to think about more deeply.
At the end of the article, I whimsically said, “So I’m wondering who wants to join a 90-day Gratitude Challenge?” I gave a few details on what I promised and forgot about it.
Almost immediately, several people said they wanted to join me. My wife got excited and started inviting dozens of her friends. Before long, there were 50+ people in a private Facebook group.
Internally, I thought, “What have I got myself into?” But I knew there was no turning back.I decided this was the perfect time to launch “7 Minute Prayers,” an audio devotional I’ve been wanting to do for two years. I also committed to writing a daily article and include some kind of daily challenge and prayer.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc65
Do you ever feel intense loneliness? Like you’re the only person in the world who’s fighting the battles you face?
It happens often and it’s a self-reinforcing cycle. When you feel lonely you don’t want to reach out or acknowledge the problems you face, and, as a result, you think you’re alone.
For example, I’m in a couple of different men’s prayer groups. I appreciate it when someone boldly shares that they struggle to manage alcohol or some other addiction. It makes it acceptable for others to admit the same struggle. Suddenly the shame, isolation, and the power of the addiction can be broken.
But it’s not instantaneous and the deeper the feelings of isolation and loneliness the longer the path to recovery.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc64
Have you ever been down to your last few dollars in your bank account or wallet? Since you’re still alive enough to read or hear this, I suspect you have a story you could tell of God’s provision in those desperate moments.
Angus Nelson, on day 62, told the story of when he and his wife went on a luxury cruise with clients while only having a few hundred dollars left in the bank. They knew they needed to sell their house and downsize. When they got home their house sold in record time and as soon as they got into a smaller apartment they watched God rebuild their family finances. It’s a God-story they will never forget.
Confidence in God’s Provision
In the Psalms, we see many songs of thanksgiving. Often they were offering thanks for something God had already accomplished: rescued from enemies, healed from diseases, or the forgiveness of sins. The Hebrew word most often used is hodah which means to confess or acknowledge. They confessed the good things God has done. They also used a related word todah which means songs of thanksgiving or songs of sacrifice.
For the rest of the show notes go to: maninthepew.com/112
Do you struggle to remain thankful? Do you find your mind slowly slipping from a grateful mindset into a negative mindset?
It happens to all of us. It doesn’t have to be inevitable.
Today’s episode is with Angus Nelson, a Men’s Performance Coach. He believes it all starts with your mindset which is formed by renewing your mind through creating the right habits. In other words, it’s what you believe about God, yourself, and the world that will affect your outlook on life.
Your mindset is based on your beliefs
For example, do you truly believe the following?
If you believe the opposite of these, you will increasingly embrace a negative mindset. But if you consistently rehearse these truths, your mind will grow in strength and confidence.
We discussed this idea on Day 31 when we talked about Thankful Thinking.
It starts with the brain
Your brain is the “number solution organ on the planet.” It wants to solve problems, starting with your beliefs about yourself.
“What you hear about you think about. What you think about you talk about. What you talk about you bring about.”
--Angus Nelson
Change your mindset through habits, not goals
Setting goals will not solve mindset issues. In fact, goals can cause you to coast once you meet the goal.
Instead we need to create new neuropathways. New mental habits. The best way to do that is to create a daily manifest or set of beliefs that we will rehearse.
Science shows us that information attached to emotion has far more power to transform us. Reciting information will lead to boredom and could possibly innoculate us to the truths we rehearse. But if we learn to practice intentionally and attach emotions to each statement it can lead to transformation.
Angus created the 10 Minute Motivator to help anyone who wants to make daily changes in how they think and live.
LINK: https://www.manofwealth.com/10minutemotivator
The role of discipline in mindset
Pastor Craig Groeschel said: “Discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want now.” Creating a new set of mental routines will be hard work, but it’s well worth it.
More from Angus:
First interview with Angus: https://maninthepew.com/recover-rock-bottom-angus-nelson/
CHALLENGE:
Create a daily plan for training your mind to think more thankfully about God, yourself, and your life. Perhaps use Angus’s course. If you want to see my manifest, reach out privately and I’ll show you what I did.
PRAYER:
Father, I praise you that your kingdom is constantly growing. We see in the church where 3000 people followed you on a single day. We know that thousands call on your name every day across the globe today. Forgive us that we get focused on our problems and forget your abundant nature. Renew our minds to think the way you think. Give us grateful hearts. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
BIO:
Angus Nelson is a Men’s Performance Coach and Founder of the transformational lifestyle brand, EvolveMen. He helps high-achieving men evolve their lives through his Conscious Design Lifestyle™ to align purpose and effortlessly transform their leadership, love, and legacy. He’s worked with Fortune 500 executives and, hosts the podcast, “Up In Your Business”, and has spoken for brands like Walmart, Whole Foods, BMW, Coca-Cola, & Adobe.
Angus is married with three children, living in Nashville, Tennessee. He loves all things human behavior, Green Bay Packers and nachos.
Day 61: 90-Day Gratitude Challenge
Have you ever felt like running and hiding due to shame? How thankful did you feel in that moment?
Author and counselor Dan Allender says shame can feel like quicksand where we pull away from relationships and reality and slide into a pit of despair. Can you relate? I can.
Show notes: maninthepew.com/gc61
Day 60: Gratitude Challenge
Is there really a difference between gratitude and appreciation? Does it make a difference in how we live?
While the differences may appear to be semantical at first, the distinction can prove vitally important in how we live our lives.
Show notes: https://maninthepew.com/gc60
Gratitude Challenge Day 59
Do you find it difficult to remain grateful on some days? Does it ever annoy you to see people who seem to be grateful all the time?
Join the club! The writer of Proverbs can relate:
A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse! Proverbs 27:14 NLT
Researchers have discovered that some of us are indeed hard-wired to be more grateful. Whether our genes, our brains, or even our personalities, there are many factors working for or against our grateful disposition.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t become more grateful. Gratefulness is fundamentally a choice and the emotions will eventually follow.
We’ve documented extensively through this challenge the many benefits and challenges to gratitude. In this episode, I’d like to discuss a couple of biblical reminders that can help us on those days we don’t “feel” like being thankful.
Do you wonder if gratitude belongs at work? Doesn’t competition mean I need to keep a guarded attitude with my co-workers?
Over the last fifteen years, researchers have studied the effects of gratitude on health, well-being, and organizational culture. The consensus is that gratitude makes an enormous personal and corporate difference.
Even if there’s a dark side of gratitude, the benefits by far outweigh the risks. Here are five ways to create a culture of gratitude at work.
What is the opposite of relentless? Some would say intermittent, short-lived, or irresolute. I think it’s settled.
Let me explain.
While the Apostle Paul encourages us to discover contentment in our circumstances (Phil 4:10-19), he also challenges us to approach faith like a soldier or athlete embraces discipline.
In 1 Cor: 9:24, he says: “Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!”
If we want to grow in righteousness or gratefulness, it makes sense that we would develop a relentless focus. While being grace-filled, it’s also possible to create a disciplined life that presses toward the prize of God’s blessing, “Well done, my good and faithful servant!”
Have you ever been in a dark pit? One where you feel stuck and every time you try to climb out you keep slipping back down? Can you imagine singing in the bottom of a swamp?
Psalm 40 shows David in a slimy pit crying out to God for deliverance. In faith, he declares that he will sing God’s praises when he’s been delivered.
What kind of trouble is he in? More than he can count. More than the hairs on his head.
What can we learn about thankfulness from the David, the Singing King?
Do you know someone with cancer? Perhaps you’re fighting a battle with cancer even today?
My father-in-law fought off cancer, against all odds, and lived another nineteen years. It doesn’t always work out like that.
How do you live gratefully when faced with the prospect of dying prematurely?
In this interview, I discuss with Kep Crabb, founder of Larger Story, how he’s responding to his wife’s recent diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. He talks about how it’s shaping the way he lives each day. He describes how his prayers are changing, and how his longing for heaven is intensifying. Things that used to matter a lot, like playing music, don’t have nearly the same level of appeal.
Do you ever find yourself saying, “I can’t do that?” Perhaps you have a valid reason.
I have two friends with stage 4 cancer. Another friend recently lost her husband to accidental death.
If they told you they couldn’t do something right now, wouldn’t you be inclined to give them a pass?
That’s what I thought, too, until I read Matthew 14.
You’ve heard the cliches. “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Or “One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.” Discontentment abounds when we lose our gratitude.
We’ve probably all seen something like this happen: A man grows discontent in his work so he starts looking around. He sees friends changing jobs and thinks this will make him happy. He discovers what looks like the perfect job. Six months later, or maybe after two years, he feels dissatisfied yet again.
The same thing can happen in marriage, with our houses, and even in our lives. We desire a different life based on jealousy, envy, or discontentment that’s stirred by social media and our thought patterns.
Have you lost someone you love to death recently? If not, have you had to completely let go of a job, a relationship, or a dream?
You may be thinking this feels awfully morbid and how can I possibly be thankful in the face of death? It’s a fair question.
While I’m not a grief counselor, I have experienced my share of death. My father passed away due to an accidental fall. I have multiple friends who have suddenly passed away through accidents, illness, COVID, and for other reasons. I have several friends who’ve been given the death sentence of cancer at far too young an age.
Death is natural, but not God’s design
Do you regularly practice gratitude as a family or church community? How is that different from personal gratitude?
Life.Church recently celebrated their 25th anniversary. As part of their celebration they thanked God for thousands of changed lives, stories of God’s amazing provision, and the unprecedented opportunities for sharing the Gospel. It was very moving and God-honoring.
It got me thinking about how Western Christians tend to practice our faith very individualistically. What might it take to be grateful together?
Have you ever felt depressed? I don’t mean just when you feel a little melancholy, but when you feel like you’re in a dark cave for days on end and can’t seem to climb out?
In this Gratitude Challenge, I’ve been advocating the benefits of gratitude for freeing us from anxiety and stress while also producing a protective shield around our hearts and minds. Scripture clearly teaches this is possible, but what about when it doesn’t happen? What about when we’re medically depressed? Should the intentional practice of gratitude be our only remedy?
Let’s talk about this.
CAUTION: I’m not a doctor or a licensed therapist. If you feel depressed for more than a few days you should likely talk to your doctor or a therapist.
Ever feel like you’re being attacked on every side? Do you wish you could have a protective wall around you allowing you to finally rest?
Scripture reveals God as our refuge and strong tower. He is a real strength and a constant never-sleeping guard.
But what’s our role in building up those walls? No surprise here, but gratitude is a critical ingredient.
Gratitude won’t keep you from all harm, but it will make you more resilient. Gratefulness strengthens your faith and helps you get back up when you fall.
Have you ever played a musical instrument? Were you deliberate about practicing or did your parents have to force you?
Gerald J. Leonard claims that professional musicians spend 95% of their time practicing and only 5% on stage. He should know...
Gerald is a professional jazz musician, a Portfolio Management Professional consultant, and the author of two books: Culture is the Bass and, his new book, Workplace Jazz. As a lover of neuroscience, he understands the importance of deliberate practice.
In this conversation, we explore the unexpected connection between deliberate practice and gratitude.
Do you struggle to remain grateful through your day? How about in your closest relationships? Do your closest friends and family also struggle to remain thankful?
Jim Rohn famously said: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
So if you tend to spend time with negative people, you will remain negative. If you feed your mind with positive information, your mind will follow suit.
Let’s explore how this works.
Have you ever felt caught in the comparison trap? Do you know what I mean? It’s where we constantly compare ourselves to the rich, the famous, the successful or the beautiful and slowly start to despise and devalue our gifts and abilities.
President Teddy Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” While it almost sounds biblical, this truth still confronts an ugly problem we all face.